Letting go of any relationship can be difficult, because it is change. Most likely, you will not be searching for the signs to leave. For the most part, though, normal relationships help you feel emotionally safe and secure in yourself as an individual. 

This is not the case in relationships with toxic individuals, such as narcissists.  Even when you know the relationship is bad for you, it feels impossible to leave because of the trauma bonds and cognitive dissonance that form over time. 

When life is telling you you’re in an abusive relationship that’s no good for you, it’s in your best interest to notice the signs and plan accordingly.  This is hard to do, though, when you’ve been gaslighted and are no longer sure whether the relationship is really as bad as everyone keeps telling you it is. 

Here are just 4 of the biggest warning signs that it may be time for you to form an exit plan:

1. You are the target of consistent verbal abuse

Regular verbal attacks on your character and value destroy your self-esteem. Continuous verbal assaults may cause you to put aside your most important ideals and beliefs.

Verbal abuse, also known as emotional abuse, is a range of words or behaviors used to manipulate, intimidate, and maintain power and control over someone. These include insults, humiliation and ridicule, the silent treatment, and attempts to scare, isolate, and control.

2. Your partner constantly points out things they “don’t like” about you

All these things even may be what they used to love about you, but now they are constantly putting you down or making you feel less than.

True love doesn’t take away the things that make up who you are. It doesn’t diminish you. If you feel like you can’t do anything right, that you couldn’t possibly attract someone else, that you’re “too old”, too needy, too sensitive to be in a relationship with anyone else, these are signs you should leave a relationship.

3. You have to behave like a parent to your partner

Being in a relationship with a narcissistic individual often feels like you’re raising a child. Some targets of narcissistic abuse find it endearing that they have to follow up on their partner and clean up their messes for them. This is the basic dynamic of denial and enabling, and if you spend a huge amount of your time enabling your partner this is not a healthy dynamic.

4. You keep your relationship secret from the people you love

This is one of the largest signs that you are trauma bonded to your partner, because you hide the things about your relationship that deep down you know are wrong. Yet, you continue to make excuses for it, or fear making the decision to leave and do what is best for you. This is because of the fear of what happens next. You’re just stuck in a toxic cycle.

Normal relationships do not cause you to form trauma bonds. And it’s important to understand that a relationship in which you are trauma bonded will never change into a healthy, loving relationship. In fact, the longer you stay, the worse the bond will become, making it that much harder to leave the longer you stay.

Do you read some of these and say to yourself, this sounds like me?

Discover your inner strength, and stand up for yourself. You deserve to be treated with respect, and real love.

As always, thank you for being here with me,