If you would have asked me this question a few years ago, I would have had a puzzled look on my face because I had no idea that the current relationship that I resided in was entirely a codependent, toxic one. In fact, I didn’t even really grasp the concept of what codependency even meant.

Definition of a codependent is, “a personal with an excessive emotional or psychological reliance on a partner, and they can confuse caretaking and sacrifice with loyalty and love.” It is also known as “relationship addiction” because people with codependency often form or maintain relationships that are one-sided, emotionally destructive or abusive.

Codependency in relationships looks like:

~ Obsessive focus on your partner’s behavior

~ Trying to control, change, or fix someone

~ Enabling harmful behavior

~ Lack of boundaries

~ Separation brings anxiety

~Fear of abandonment

~ Betraying yourself & your needs in order to be chosen

Do any of the above sound familiar? If so, you may be in a codependent relationship, and unconscious of the behaviors keeping you stuck in these cycles.

If you find yourself in this type of relationship, it’s important you begin to acknowledge what is happening and work to heal the parts of you that make you feel stuck. No doubt you want to stand on your own two feet, and you DESERVE to feel independent and free.

Learning to love yourself and define your worth can work wonders in your relationship with yourself, so that you can show up differently in having outside relationships.

Really the reason why we get stuck in these patterns is a lack of self love. So we seek it outside of ourselves, almost to desperation.

It might be challenging to stop trying to get love from others, especially if we have been seeking it in all the wrong places. So first you have to heal within, and learn to see your value and worth. When you do this it changes everything, because then you will find a partner that can love and treat you right.

Even if if just one of you decides to learn how to love themselves, rather than reject and abandon yourself, you can change a codependent relationship to a loving, interdependent relationship. (that is if your partner is not abusive). When one person changes the codependent system, the whole relationship can change for the better!

As always, thank you for being here with me!