Do you find yourself having dejavu moments in your current relationship?

Having the same arguments over and over and not understanding why?

Why does this happen?

In simplest terms, we’re prone to repeating unhealthy relationship patterns, whether we’re aware we’re doing so or not.

As such, we end up in a holding pattern that we need to break free from unless we want to keep whirling in circles forever.

Albert Einstein’s famous words, “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results”.

If we find ourselves having the same repetitive arguments, there is something that needs to be addressed. It keeps showing up for you to gain the awareness that something has to change.

Why Do These Patterns Keep Repeating?

First and foremost, we need to take a look at where these patterns originated. This will give us greater insight on how to stop them.

As an example, let’s imagine someone who grew up with a narcissistic parent who always put them down, and never recognized their accomplishments. 

It’s more than likely that person will gravitate toward narcissists when it comes to dating, long term relationships, roommates, or even close friends.

We can only know what we know, and until we gain the awareness to know there may be something different we cannot recognize that we are even in an unhealthy relationship pattern.

Until that time though, that person is only familiar with the narcissist’s behavior patterns. So when they keep trying to have a relationship with the same type of individual and on some deep level, hope that this time, this person will see them for who they are, and appreciate them properly.

It rarely works out that way, however. 

The injured person will end up being hurt again by similar circumstances, and will inevitably try again with someone new. Most like with the next charming abusive narcissist , hoping that this time, if they just do things a bit differently, and love a bit harder, this person will love them.

Lather, rinse, repeat. The cycle continues.

If you are finding yourself in these patterns, it’s time to look within and see what beliefs you may be holding onto that are keeping you stuck in these cycles.

Ask yourself very difficult questions about your relationships, because deep reflection in this circumstance is needed.

If this is a romantic partnership, do you want companionship with an intimate friend? Or are you looking to build a lifelong partnership?

In cases where you’re cultivating a new friendship with someone, determine your comfort zones and boundaries. This includes how much information you’re willing to share with the person, how much time you want to spend together, etc.

Be honest with yourself as to what you want out of your relationship at this particular point in time. Not what the other person is demanding, or manipulating you into, whether it’s via kind overtures that seem to demand reciprocity, or with guilt trips.

Keep checking in with yourself, and respect yourself enough to ensure that what’s unfolding is what you want. 

By clarifying your own needs, priorities, and life goals, you’ll have a better sense of the direction you should be heading in.

Make sure that you are putting yourself first, because if you’re in unhealthy patterns the other person sure as hell won’t!

Most important, get someone to help you understand your patterns from a different perspective. When we are in the middle of the all the chaos it can be hard to make sense of anything. Seek a coach, therapist, or mentor that has experience in this to help guide you through the process and hold space for you.

As always thank you for being here with me!!