Cultivating a healthy relationship after an abusive one can be a challenging but healing experience. I know for myself that leaving a toxic relationship I had a lifetime of never trusting to unravel. I quickly realized that I didn’t trust anyone, and most certainly not myself. If I was going to find a healthy partner and be able to maintain a long term relationship I was going to have to learn what a healthy relationship model even looked like, and to recognize where I was painting a partner with the same paintbrush as past untrustworthy people.

It required of me to look more deeply into what triggered me, and what the emotions underneath were trying to tell me. When you leave an abusive relationship, not matter how long the time frame, there is always emotional and mental damage. Some more than others, but it will require deeper work to create healthier relationships, and more importantly, rebuild your self esteem after being dragged along in the abuser’s emotional baggage.

As you embark on the journey of processing your experience in an abusive relationship, there are several initial steps that you may find helpful:

1. Seek support: Reach out to friends and family who can provide emotional support and guidance throughout your healing journey. Sharing your experiences and feelings with trusted individuals can be incredibly helpful.

2. Seek professional help: A therapist can help you to understand the dynamics of your abusive relationship and to develop healthy coping mechanisms. They can also provide you with support and guidance as you move forward in your life.

3. Educate yourself: Learn about healthy relationships and the dynamics of abuse. Understanding the warning signs of an unhealthy or abusive relationship can help you recognize them in the future and take appropriate action.

4. Reflect on the past: Take time to process and reflect on the abusive relationship. Understand that the abuse was not your fault and acknowledge any feelings of guilt or shame you may have. It's essential to work through these emotions and recognize your own worth and value.

Next, it's important to establish a secure and nurturing environment where you can prioritize your own well-being and focus on meeting your personal needs:

1. Take time for self-care: It is important to give yourself time to heal from the trauma of your abusive relationship. Focus on taking care of yourself both physically and emotionally. Engage in activities that bring you joy and help you reconnect with yourself. Prioritize self-care practices like exercise, healthy eating, relaxation techniques, and hobbies that promote your well-being.

2. Build self-esteem and self-confidence: Engage in activities that boost your self-esteem. Celebrate your achievements, develop new skills, and surround yourself with positive influences. Building a strong sense of self-worth will help you enter into healthier relationships.

3. Learn to trust yourself again. One of the most important things you can do after an abusive relationship is to learn to trust yourself again. This means believing in your own worth and abilities, and setting boundaries with others.

When you reach a point where you feel prepared to venture into new relationships, it's crucial to ensure that you are laying the foundation for your own success:

1. Set boundaries: Establish clear boundaries and communicate them openly with potential partners. Healthy relationships are built on mutual respect and consent. Ensure that your boundaries are respected, and be prepared to assert yourself if they are crossed.

2. Take it slow: When you're ready to start dating again, take your time and progress at your own pace. Allow yourself to heal fully before pursuing a new relationship. Avoid rushing into a new partnership and give yourself space to evaluate the dynamics and compatibility.

3. Communicate openly: Healthy relationships are built on effective communication. Express your thoughts, feelings, and concerns openly and honestly. Practice active listening and encourage your partner to do the same. Open dialogue is essential for fostering trust and understanding.

4. Trust your instincts: Trust your gut feelings when entering into a new relationship. If something doesn't feel right, pay attention to those red flags. Listen to your intuition and don't ignore any warning signs or feelings of discomfort.

5. Understand attachment theory, and your inner child wounds. Healing the deeper underlying reasons why you even accepted an abusive partner in the first place is necessary.

Be patient with yourself. It takes time to heal from an abusive relationship and to learn to trust again. Prioritize self-care and surround yourself with supportive people who encourage your growth and well-being. Break the cycle so you can truly thrive!

As always, thank you for being here,