How To Set Healthy Boundaries

In my own journey of self discovery I really noticed that I never had boundaries, and actually was completely dependent on others how I showed up in the world. I was so desperate to be loved and accepted that I chose to betray myself for others over and over. Once I became aware of this I had to ask why.

What is the cause of poor boundaries?

For many, including myself it begins at a young age and how we were modeled poor boundaries or our own parents had none themselves. When boundaries feel difficult, it’s because trauma taught us to fear getting hurt, causing guilt and shame to kick in and push the brakes on expression. So, we go throughout life acting how we were taught or conditioned too.

As kids, we were not consciously choosing our beliefs. We needed to adapt quickly in order to fit in with our environment. Kids are wired to give up authenticity in order to feel acceptance and safety. They do this to better their odds of survival, but it comes at a great personal cost. We do not know any different, so we bring this into our adult life as well.

It takes great strength and determination to begin to show up differently than we have before, but with practice we can begin to start to set those healthy boundaries with others and self.

Boundaries are the framework we set for ourselves on how we want to be treated by others and how we treat other people. It’s setting up how you want to be treated, it promotes physical and emotional wellbeing, and it respects your needs and the other person’s needs in a relationship. This is how you begin to live a more fulfilled, and healthy lifestyle.

How do we begin setting healthy boundaries?

~Being able to say, "no," and accept when someone else says, "no"

~Being able to clearly communicate both wants and needs

~Honoring and respecting their own needs and the needs of others

~Respecting others' values, beliefs, and opinions

~Feeling free to disclose and share information where appropriate

~ You do not compromise yourself in a unhealthy way

It takes practice to make perfect, and there are so many areas of life where we have to learn how to set these boundaries.

I know that when I began to set boundaries, I stopped people pleasing as much and focused on what I wanted and needed. I became a more happy, fulfilled individual because I was doing what I wanted, not what I thought I had to do to make others happy. I had sacrificed my happiness for too long to please others, and I had been raised to believe that I had to do that in order to be loved or accepted.

I quickly realized that if I set a healthy boundary with someone and they did not accept it, those were toxic people. I was no longer accepting these type of people in my life, because I finally realized that my mental well being was more important. The more practice you get with setting boundaries, the easier it gets I promise!

I also have a free Ebook, Learning How To Thrive With Healthy Boundaries if you are interested in discovering more ways to begin for yourself, or just need more tips!

As always thank you for being here with me,