How To Recognize The Signs of a Toxic Relationship
A toxic relationship
is defined as a relationship in which one or both partners are emotionally and sometimes physically harmful to the other.
If you don't know how to recognize the signs of a toxic relationship, then this post is for you. It can be hard to realize that your partner may not be good for you when they seem so nice at first, but there are definitely signs that should send alarm bells ringing in your head. Read on to learn about some of these warning signs and what you can do if you've already put yourself into such an unhealthy situation.
I know for myself, toxic relationships
were my theme throughout my life.
It started with the relationship that I had with my own father. I grew up in what seemed to be a loving household to the outside, but was actually an unhealthy environment that would later cause me to seek out the same type of abusive relationships. After all, you repeat patterns and continue to do what you know. Thus, a toxic cycle becomes familiar and your mind likes to stick with what feels familiar until you can break the cycle. Then you choose to pick partners, friends, bosses that are toxic because this is all you know and understand of relationships.
Abusive, or toxic relationships can sneak up on you, and if you haven’t empowered yourself to understand that the things that are negatively impacting you are actually happening to you and they are not okay, you don’t know any better. I remember hearing throughout the years people say, “women are foolish for staying in abusive relationships, why don’t they just leave? After all, what is so hard about just leaving?”
First of all, if you haven’t been in an abused women’s (person) shoes, then you probably should just sit down and shut up. If it was that simple, there wouldn’t be a HUGE part of the population of women or men for that matter, who have been in these toxic relationships out seeking help. Let me tell you, it is not that simple. If this is all a person is used to, toxic cycles are familiar and the mind unconsciously seeks what is familiar. It tends to reject what is unfamiliar, because the body and mind always go back to what they feel is safe. Repeated patterns is safe to the mind and body, but to the outside world though society can judge the women that stays, but she continues to go back because she is looking for what is familiar. The highs and lows of a toxic relationship the body begins to crave, because again that is what is familiar. If the abused is able to understand and empower themselves enough to understand that this pattern is unhealthy, then they can begin to stop the cycle. It takes so much willpower, and strength to leave a toxic relationship. Years of abuse can cause severe low self-esteem, and leave a victim feeling worthless and unloveable. It is hard to rise above that and realize that you deserve more. So my heart goes out to anyone suffering from the harmful effects of abuse, and it comes in many forms. Here are some warning signs to pay close attention too, so that you can become conscious of the relationships you may be in that are unhealthy for you:
Lack of Trust – a partner is someone for you to rely on , to be vulnerable with, and to have in your corner. In the absence of trust, none of these things are possible.
Hostile Communication – yelling, name-calling, hurtful phrases. Throwing and breaking things. Using your body for physical intimidation or force. Subtler signs of hostile communication can include: silent treatment, using ‘you-statements’ or blaming statements, constantly interrupting, listening to respond instead of listening to hear and understand your partner. Hostile communication can cause tension and create further distrust between partners. Rather, healthy relationships rely on open communication, cooling downed before things get too heated, and respect.
Controlling Behavior – Your partner doesn’t have the right to control your actions or beliefs. One controlling behavior to look out for is threatening loss of something, such as financial stability, time with your children, or friendship. Other signs of controlling behavior include: telling you what’s right, threatening you, needing to know everything you do and who you’re with, trying to manage your money, secluding you from loved ones, or requiring access to your phone, accounts or email. All forms to control you.
Frequent Lying – When a partner lies to you, it signals they don’t respect you as a mutual partner who deserves honesty or care. It also says that they view themselves above you and only worry about themselves, and not the relationship or your feelings.
All give, no take – If your relationship consistently revolves around what makes your partner happy and ignores your needs, it can be a sign of toxicity.f your relationship consistently revolves around what makes your partner happy and ignores your needs, it can be a sign of toxicity.
Now the question is, can you fix a toxic relationship into a healthy relationship?
It is possible to mend a toxic relationship in certain instances — and when each partner is committed to trying. The relationship must become healthy and mutually beneficial for any potential to continue. It will take time and both partners putting in the work to fix the toxic cycle, and being aware to their part in the relationship that needs to heal. Now in some instances, a relationship that is far beyond help may just be one that you need to let go of and break free to become the healthy individual that you deserve. Working with a therapist, or a coach to try and work through these issues may be what is needed, everyone is able to change with the right motivation. A third party perspective provides a neutral space to talk about issues, and a skilled and non-judgmental witness to your challenges, to help you find new solutions to old problems. Listening to your intuition on these matters is really were it will help you navigate through what is best for you. Either way that you choose to go, I hope that you find the strength to make the decisions for yourself that are best for your well being and health.
As always, thank you for being here with me.
