Breaking Free From Codependency
I had to lose the relationships in my life, in order to find myself. I didn’t realize how codependent I truly was. Nor did I truly understand what codependency even was, or how it was consuming my life.
Looking back I am sad for myself that it took as long as it did to awaken to this truth about myself, but I also know that my journey led me here so that I could help others with the same tendencies to see things from a higher perspective, and to truly heal themselves.
Breaking free from codependent habits is freeing, and you can reclaim your power as an individual and finally be able to show up authentically. Let me give you some insight on how to further open yourself up to breaking free from the stress, drama, hurt and pain being codependent can leave you with.
First, let’s discuss what codependency is and where it even starts. Guilt is your best friend as a codependent. Feeling guilty becomes second nature, ready to show up in any stressful situation. You avoid confrontation because you don’t want to risk losing someone’s approval of you. You fear rejection, neglect, and abandonment. This fear causes you to be a people-pleaser. There is a lack of firm and healthy boundaries, leaving you feeling more at a loss of who you are and feeling disconnected from the life you are living.
You master the needs, wants, and likes of the other person while you’re lost in your own needs, wants, and likes. You know how to best manage other people’s lives, but feel doubtful and insecure about how to manage your life. When all your care and attention is directed invested in the other person, you feel depleted.
You have codependency because you are afraid of being abandoned. But you have come to abandon yourself over and over again. When you lose contact with your authentic self, your true self is abandoned. You come to learn not to trust yourself, your feelings, or your opinions. This makes it harder for you to advocate for yourself.
The problem with this is that you begin to devalue yourself, and you think that other’s opinions are more valuable than your own. When you have low self-esteem, you start to seek external validation rather than relying on your inner validation. Other’s approval of you and what they think of you becomes more important than what you think of yourself.
So, how do you begin the healing process?
1) Self love, and healthy, balanced, positive self-talk
We are our worst enemies at times. How are you talking to yourself? Notice what you’re saying over and over to yourself. If it’s all negative you’re going to begin to show up in life as that negative, low self esteem individual. It’s time you begin to lift yourself up! Be your biggest cheerleader!
2) Heal from your past trauma
Recognize that you may have some hidden, past trauma that needs to be dealt with. Your past traumatic experiences may leave you feeling wounded and hurt. Codependency might have been your unhealthy coping mechanism to deal with past trauma. Once you learn to revisit these painful experiences and work on repair and healing, then you find the clarity, resilience, and strengths to overcome codependency.
3) Feel your feelings
When working on overcoming codependency, you also need to change the relationship you have with your emotions. Especially, when you are in the midst of your codependency, it often is difficult to know how to best manage and regulate your emotions. When you have gone so long taking care of others and putting others’ needs before yours, you inevitably come to neglect your emotions. During the recovery phase, you learn to be more aware of your emotions and create a toolbox full of coping skills. You start with identifying and naming your emotions. You start to pay attention to them by observing and describing your feelings non-judgmentally. Based on how you are feeling in a given situation, you engage in coping skills that are most effective in soothing and regulating that particular emotion.
4) Setting new healthy boundaries
Boundaries are key to your codependency healing journey, I can’t emphasize this enough. You have to be able to set boundaries with others and set boundaries with yourself. It takes some time to understand where your boundaries may be weak, and where you can adjust them so that you’re no longer allowing others to take your energy and deplete you.
“Love yourself enough to set boundaries. Your time and energy are precious. You get to choose how you use it. You teach people how to treat you by deciding what you will accept and won’t accept. ~Anna Taylor
If you need help uncovering your codependent habits get help, because no one needs to suffer this way. Having higher awareness is created through seeking help outside of yourself to see your patterns in a new way so you can heal, and live your best life.
As always thanks for being here with me,
