Why Is Getting Over A Narcissistic Relationship So Difficult?

Getting out of and getting over a relationship is never easy – even when the agreement to split is mutual and there’s no abuse involved.

In a relationship, we form habits. If the relationship is with a narcissist, these habits aren’t healthy, and they more closely mirror a relationship between drugs or alcohol and someone with substance abuse.

Chances are, this isn’t even your first relationship with a narcissist. Here’s why getting over a relationship with a narcissist is so hard.

Trauma bonding is loyalty to someone who is actually destructive. Anyone, including those that are confident can find themselves lost in the storm of a trauma bond. The exposure to the highs and lows of a turbulent relationship create this trauma bond and sets pattern of “intermittent reinforcement” in the brain. Research has shown that when our brains are randomly rewarded at varying, unpredictable times, we continue to seek those rewards, even if there will never be enough. That is when we have the high of the relationship, when things are good. The low is when the abuse occurs, fight, or traumatic experience happens. They cycle continues in the narcissistic abusive relationship creating that addiction to that cycle. Our brain literally seeks that next high, and we are on the emotional rollercoaster whether we realize or not.

They Warp Your Sense of Identity

Gaslighting isn’t just annoying and rude. Long-term exposure to gaslighting removes your personal perspective and replaces it with the narcissist’s perspective.

Over time, your identity disappears and you exist solely to please the narcissist. Your opinions, goals, interests, and sense of self all vanish.

After extended narcissistic abuse, many survivors struggle to answer basic questions about themselves outside superficial labels like their job title, for example. The narcissist has created an identity for you instead.

The Relationship Functioned Like a Drug Addiction

In a narcissistic relationship, the narcissist purposefully withholds affection from you and rations it out when it’s convenient for them. You are always begging for their attention or love. You never get your needs met, so you constantly feel deprived.

It’s important to remember that narcissists don’t process and display emotions like normal people. While it’s incorrect to say that they don’t have empathy, it’s correct to say that they don’t have compassion.

You’ve no doubt noticed how a narcissist can understand your perspective enough to get in your head, manipulate your thoughts, and pull their desired emotions out of you.

They Damaged Your Perception of How Healthy Relationships Work

You’re not damaged goods, but you do need to relearn (or learn for the first time) what makes a relationship healthy and how supportive partners treat each other.

When you’re getting over a narcissist, it’s easy to bring the same habits with you into new relationships. You’ll always second guess what your new partner says or assume they’re trying to manipulate or spite you for fun.

Or worse: you may find yourself attracted to another narcissist and repeat the cycle! This happened for me a few times before I learned how to spot a narcissist and know that this was going to be a repeated cycle for me. Once I learned what a healthy relationship looks like, I began to heal myself so I could show up as a healthy partner.

Recovery Can Be Tough

Everyone knows that it’s wise to quit an alcohol or drug addiction cold turkey, and most likely if you don’t have a plan or support in place you will fail and return to the addiction.

Recovering from narcissistic abusive relationships should be treated just like the addiction. You have to unlearn everything that you learned in that relationship, and relearn new mental habits, and a new way of being.

Think of shedding all the old, to become a new version of yourself. It can be a painful transforming process but it also can be one of the most rewarding.

✨You find yourself again, your true authentic self.

✨ Rewire you brain for success in life, and new relationships

✨ Break free from the cycle, and create new so you can attract a healthy partner

✨✨You can break the cycle and become a survivor

I hope each and everyone suffering from this type of relationships finds peace and the help to recover and become free to truly thrive.

As always thank you for being here with me,